Men Are From Sales, Women From Marketing

Men Are From Sales, Women From Marketing By Nichole Youtz Many office relationships began with a flurry of instant messages or e-mails. Okay, let's cut to the chase: Beginning with the very first day at your new job, you're already checking everyone out. But office politics can complicate the whole song and dance. So how does one rise above the muck and mud and make friends? Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have to learn that women and men are just different.

Men Are From Sales, Women From Marketing By Nichole Youtz Many office relationships began with a flurry of instant messages or e-mails. Okay, let's cut to the chase: Beginning with the very first day at your new job, you're already checking everyone out. But office politics can complicate the whole song and dance. So how does one rise above the muck and mud and make friends? Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have to learn that women and men are just different. If you embrace that notion, and use some of the tactics below, the opposite sex won't seem quite so mysterious and elusive. Quote "Guy" Flicks: Watch and memorize every detail of at least three stereotypically "male" movies. I mean, you should really get to know them. Understand the toilet humor in Caddyshack. Know what Mike Damone's five-point plan is, and how side one of Led Zeppelin IV fits into it. Work this phrase into conversation: "I don't expect you to talk, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die." The next time you bump into an interesting guy in the office kitchen, casually mention that you just bought the director's cut of Ridley Scott's Blade Runner (mentioning the director is essential) and you can't wait to get home to watch it. The fastest way to a man's heart is through his DVD player. Befriend His Comrades: Guys travel in packs. If you can get one of them to stray and befriend you, he will report back to his cronies on all of your wonderful qualities. Play smart: If you coolly mention something intriguing to one, it will be heard by all. Though they may pretend otherwise, guys don't want to hear about your new Pottery Barn couch or your cat's intestinal problems. Invest in a PlayStation: For those who don't know what a PlayStation is, stop reading right now--you may be a hopeless case. For the rest of you, if you don't have one, get one. PlayStations are to men as catnip is to cats. What happens after you slap down a couple of hundred bucks for a little gray box and some cords? Well, you can go two ways: Learn to play a few games well or fake your way through many. Men will be impressed. Wear More Leather: Just kidding. No, really. Make Technology Your Friend: Many office relationships began with a flurry of instant messages or e-mails. My friend Lexie, for example, can turn a simple request for white out or medium-point pens into a provocative conversation. Use the high-tech tools at your disposal to break the ice. Quote "Chick" Flicks: Try to work "You complete me" into every conversation. But just because it stars Roberts or Ryan doesn't mean she loves the movie. This is a trap. You have to think sensitive, intelligent, deep--films that make people cry. A few sure bets? The English Patient, It's A Wonderful Life, An Affair to Remember, Casablanca, Say Anything, Sense and Sensibility. You might even earn bonus points if you reference the book, Jane Austen, or the disturbing ramifications of Victorian sexual repression. Read: Have you ever told a woman that "Emma had every right to cheat on Mr. Bovary"? No? Then put down the remote control and hit the local bookstore. Wander through the "Fiction and Literature" section. Find a few verifiable classics--and read them more than once! You never know when you are going to run into an English major. Besides, you really only need to know a few good books well to reference them in conversation. You could always rely on Cliff's Notes, but they don't look as nice on the shelf. Cook: You really should be able to prepare a few meals in the kitchen. Then you could bring leftovers from your lavish feast into the office for lunch. Right before you pop the remains of your masterpiece into the microwave, say, "You know, this really turned out better the last time I made it." Women will pick up on comments like that. Conversation ensues. Use Bait: Women are easy to lure. If your desk happens to be on her way to the ladies room, display items that might catch a feminine eye. Desktop bait may include pictures of your mom, any stuffed animal (besides a teddy bear), good chocolate, a "Totally 80's" CD, etc. Rick Springfield and a Flock of Seagulls are perennial chat starters. Use These Words: husband, wife, marriage, kids, wedding, engagement, child, in-laws, baby, family, ring, birth, home, parents, flatware, register, child, and ceremony. Nichole Youtz, a freelance writer and recovering "learnaholic," took the necessary 12 post-college steps before settling into her role as an About.com community editor. She also writes Talk About, a daily newsletter that covers heated debates on the site.